New Reminders: Honesty
by Ardith Hoff
“Honesty or truthfulness is a facet of moral character that connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, straightforwardness, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc. Honesty also involves being trustworthy, loyal, fair, and sincere.” Wikipedia
I have touched on some of the same attributes of character and integrity in other essays, but honesty deserves a separate treatment all its own. The importance of being honest cannot be overestimated. It can be at the very foundation of our mental and/or physical health. Unless we can be honest with ourselves, we can live in denial about things that are going on in our lives, and we might also deceive others. Sometimes we might pretend everything is fine when it isn’t, or we might manufacture positive or negative narratives about ourselves that either exaggerate or downplay what is actually true.
We all need to face our problems in order to seek the help we need to deal with them. Whether the problems are physical, emotional, financial, or behavioral, they have to be admitted, first to ourselves and then to others, in order to get the help we need. Opening up to our doctor, lawyer, counselor or a friend can help us get a clearer picture for ourselves.
Once we are honest with ourselves, it is also easier to be honest with others. Everyone knows that it is hard to be absolutely honest all of the time. We all want to be careful not to be too bluntly honest and risk hurting someone’s feelings, but there are diplomatic ways to be honest without being cruel. We all need to think before we speak.
The classic example that is often used, is to ask what we should say to a question like, “Does this outfit make me look fat?’’ I was confronted with that very question from my new daughter-in-law when she was trying to decide what to wear on her first day of teaching. The truth was, that the outfit did not look good on her, and I knew that her wardrobe was limited. I knew that I had to be honest. I suggested she lay out all possible choices on the bed and had her stand in front of the mirror on the dresser. As soon as she looked in the mirror, she herself realized she could not wear what she had on, and by going through her other choices she found something more suitable. Sometimes, holding up a real or metaphorical mirror for ourselves or someone else, can help us each see the truth clearly.
Therefore, putting away lying, every man should speak the truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:25